Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
