I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
