last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
