i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
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