i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
