Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
