I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
