Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
