I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
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On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
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Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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