He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
