i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
