I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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