hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
