I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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