You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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