she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
