Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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