guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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