he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
