dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
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