It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
