i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
