its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
