we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
All the doctor said was why
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
