You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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