tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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