I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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