I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
