o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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