I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
