i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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