Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
