onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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