I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Those nachos came to me in a dream
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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