tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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