thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
