It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
