i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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