I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My dick has a subreddit
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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