Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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