I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
