i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
