Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
