life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
In other news, I just burned my penis
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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