all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize