your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
