uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
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If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
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By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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