so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
