If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Randomize
