Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
