I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
