last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
