dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
