life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
This baby is an asshole
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
