so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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