How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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