Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
