As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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