3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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