I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
