ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
