my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
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that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
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I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
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