I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
