yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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