I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You left your phone here
Wait...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
