I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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