It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
