and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
