I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
